SeptOber

 SeptOber

in unsteady steps

in the waning September

that is chased by October

howling winds of the western mountains

whistling the windows

why the hurry?

ice cold from the coast

competing with the desert heat

rocking trees, trashing cans

filling corners with sand

and chasing the world into fall

why the hurry?

walking in unsteady steps 

across the divide between September and October

high desert sun's heat on glass

chill winds when the windows open

a blistering sun and frigide wind 

in a hurry

AL Mendoza 2023

Mad Man Mostly Mashes Words

NO?

 NO?

there is nothing between nothingness and eternity

since nothing doesn't exist

one thing has no center

the other doesn't either

and we are not it

the center of we

the center of nothing

what is the existence of nothing?

and since the eternity of existence

has nothing

and nothing exists

where is the between 

where is the grey area

an area of a thing that has no center

that doesn't exist

the middle of no

the middle of yes

between nothingness and eternity

that doesn't exist

and still it's there

Al Mendoza, 2023

whazz dat?

 when you find what you weren't looking for

or, is it not looking for what you find
maybe not seeing since what is looked for
isn't there

maybe just suggested
vision clear to cloudy from the ground
not mattering if it's mountain or valley
the sky doesn't lie

but we do

Al Mendoza, "Mad Man Mostly Mashes Words," 2023

2022

2022

The first sunset over a Texas bay

in decades

where are the mountains?  

i suddenly missed the mountains i lived by

those eternal canvasses of light, shadow, desert heat and winter's snow caps

moving water pushed by winds unrelenting

drifting snow rushing to its resting place

so alike in rage and power 

so different in taste and feel

move the water to the mountain it becomes snow 

move the snow to the bay it becomes water

eternal are the lights, shadow, and wind

to be only a man in snow

to be only the singular in water

we are shadow and wind

a witness to the mountain

 Al Mendoza, January 2022

Fractal Physics

poetic license 

 jumping from fractured fairy tales

to fractal physics

the very flower scented and grown

from perfume bottles

a glass to see into

a sample dipped 

delicately

and never tasted

looking into it becoming

a surprize at what is seen

from midnight to midday

time flows in gravity

drip dripping 

little waves of beads 

elemental sands

an hourglass bottling

a perfumed bottle

it can be looked though

but never sampled

not even in surprize

seeing without scent

presenting the untouchable sample

of a moment lost

for all our fractured fairy tales

to a fractal physics

we must wake

A. Mendoza, July 2020

a drop in the pool

a drop in the pool

a whiteout an all colour blizzard

geometric forms unseen

passing through glass 

shaded in vapor thin sheets

and the drip drip of blood that is your soul begins to pool

do you touch it 

or does it touch you

as the colour forms emerging from the geometry

of your heart

a vapor thin sheet both circle and angle 

a water colourless

crystallizing drip by drip

a release both pain and joy

as all things are birthed

dripping vapor thin glass shading on sheets

the result of love

a birth dripped

do you touch it

or does it touch you

a geometry from the pool that is your soul

A. Mendoza, June 2020

SOLFEGGIO DREAM

SOLFEGGIO DREAM

sunrises are beautiful

even when you don't wear your glasses

to hit a rock

becoming by conditioning

an indurate curtain

a condition as hard to pronounce

as cure

fortunately, your love is my cure

possible by sleep

in a solfeggio dream

sometimes striving to control a dream

as if not possessed

like grabbing for water

grabbing for a love 

already possessed

a scent 

a mist

a gauze in front a light

a shadow's desire

 changed for silk

there are no shadows with silk

there is no need to see through

what is there 

there is no need for glasses

in a solfeggio dream

because the sun rises always beautiful

 stand very close

no need to wear them

A. Mendoza, June 2020

THE HALF MOON AND THE PENNY

THE HALF MOON AND THE PENNY

picking up luck in a cool summer's night 

catching the half moon

wide awake

in the darkness

copper coins for the eyes

polished brightly shine

or maybe they're new

or never have been used

singing crickets in the night

teasing birds who cannot see them

keeping them awake 

in anticipation

in predawn colors

a half moon wide awake

giving rhythm to the singing

from night to morning music

the penny copper morning

a luck to pick up

after catching the half moon

how good it is to be awake

in the darkness

A. MENDOZA, JUNE 2020

NOT

 

NOT

fear 

in understanding

in not

knowledge

as understanding

as not

no reaction

the doing

the accepting

the final reaction

the final knowledge

the final fear

understanding the doing 

and accepting the reaction 

and not fear

A. Mendoza, June 2020

MARKER

MARKER

destruction of silence

and the death of noise

become a graveyard marker

background to well manicured fences

bordered remembrances

so we never forget

keeping them in their places

close to our hearts

destruction of silence

as music 

a death

a noise

covering places 

fenced in 

so we never forget

our markers

A. Mendoza, June 2020

BREEZE

Breeze

not wanting to do anything

even sleep is too much

eyelids too weak to close

thought becomes tiresome

slowing breath conserves strength

darkness is rest for the eyes

just waiting for a breeze

a moon for a light

witnessing stars

in the comfort of night

suddenly the nothingness

and that odd jolt

awakens the open eyes

to silence

starlight witnessing eternity moving

in a single breath

any wanting too much

becoming tiresome thought

resting open eyes

not wanting to do anything

just waiting for a breeze

A. Mendoza

6-10-2020

VALLEY

VALLEY

  

where all the air

and the winds will whip

water and snow to ice

while we sequester in place

where the fires fly over the mountains

smoke painted on backdrops of flame

and a world renewed in death, destruction

defining mortality

rebirthed so living fire may feed again

inhaling wind

exhaling flame

breathing as living things do

where silence is more death than peace

and the sun, the clouds, the mountains

stand apart competing

for a night so they may hide

where under the cover of stars

alone with the moon

wind whispering to the the music of mountains 

with a blanket of clouds

an accusation instead 

of a question

do you love

 in the night

it is so hard to see

from the valley

so you must travel

to the mountain

a.mendoza 6-2020

Roll

ROLL

there's an itch

in the back of my head

marbles rolling around

when I shake it 

from side to side

until the cobwebs

become a net

sewing tighter into a mesh

forming a fabric

of itchy marbles

beady glass that squints

in a darkness that rises

to the ripples forming

a shaken cobweb

the tightened net

of mesh of marbles

in a rising darkness

 no longer needing to squint

 it is so easy to simply

roll side to side

A. Mendoza, Sept 2019

BETWEEN

BETWEEN

between the difference

lucid dreams

nightmares

roll the music

unseen a darkness 

nothing  under

nothing standing

that gold coin unpossessed

a true Janus value

a parchment shadow

a memory, an echo

as witness and participant

in a disjointed path

searching for a destination

looking for that living colour

against nights black and white

where nightmare meets lucid dreaming

just before the gold coin 

lands

A. Mendoza, 2019

running in the dark

RUNNING IN THE DARK

to make an allowance 

for the shadow

written in the dark

avoiding the grey areas

it washes away the colours

allowing light

a white clarity

the only reflection

is pen and paper

running in the darkness

and living a private life

accompanying a Janus dream

that coin that never flips

because it is both

whatever you run from

and whatever you run to

a mirror, a pen and paper

A. Mendoza, 2019

CHANGE

CHANGE

look to the moon and it turns away

gaze into a shining and it hides

find the amazing that becomes covered with darkness

reaching for the light switch 

to find the button

the exit that is entrance

looking through a window from the outside

as the curtain closes

away from a shining moon

that button closed

reaching behind a closed window

the entrance that is exit

to what is hiding from the outside

finding the amazing

A. Mendoza, 2019

Where is it?

Where Is It?

to suddenly miss what was never missed 

before

to realize the pointlessness 

of time


to find something

inside

that magic is the living

the filled moments


discovery

along the ways of quiet

and then the smile

settled is all fate


like that even matters

fate doesn't understand

as we can

promised time is promised waters


along those streams

both frozen and steamed

in waves and rain 

as hail and as reflections


before 

the pointlessness of time 

inside

a discovery 

A. Mendoza, 7/2019

Lodestone 0n A Hill

Lodestone on a Hill

opposites attract

depending what side

is the face

a single coin 

of two directions

sitting on the edge

of head or tails

yes or no

in a silence

to hear a voice

and touch

a single vibration

mirrors don't speak

as selfies won't

looking glass moments

to seek

to hold

to lose

and the silence in the glass

that cannot be seen through

becomes it's own coin

depending is the face

opposite is the side

is the coin glass

sitting in two directions

that single edge

of yes or no

in a silence

of head or tails

a single coin

that is the face

A. Mendoza, 1/21/2019

 

dElUSIoN

DELUSION

pseudo ego

making the pseudo

gratification

a release of self

as object

and physical entity

a parody soulless

to be murdered

by reality

unconscious annihilation

in that science of nihilism

an ego built

of pure imagination

an illusion of illusion

an awareness of the nothing

that play of light

in the darkness

escaping the great teacher

A. MENDOZA, JANUARY 2019

LOSE

LOSE

because you don’t live there anymore

you lose nothing

in the moment of creation there's change

when the music has played there’s silence

when the breeze passes there’s stillness

in the laughter

and in plain sight

while the love makers touch

creation matters not

silence is the music

stillness becomes the breeze

to play at laughter

and lose nothing

when moment is creation

there in the play is change

because you don’t live there anymore

you walk and lose nothing

A. MENDOZA, 12/2018